This article is your ultimate Sapiens Maximus guide to achieving happiness.
Before we jump into our scientifically substantiated roadmap to happiness, we briefly discuss some key questions. Is happiness the ultimate goal in life? What does happiness even mean? How should we think about it?
While we trust that you are not one of those intellectual lightweights with the attention span of a goldfish, we provide a content breakdown below for easy navigation.
Content Breakdown
(1) Happiness: The Ultimate Goal In Life?
(3) Want an earth-shattering realisation? Happiness is a skill that you can improve
(4) A Systematic Approach to Happiness
(5) Cognitive Habits for Happiness
(6) Behavioural Habits for Happiness
(8) Sources & Further Readings
Happiness: The Ultimate Goal in Life?
If you ask someone what they are after in life, 9 times out of 10 the answer is: “HAPPINESS“.
People just want to be happy – whatever that looks like. Homo Sapiens understands, intuitively, that happiness is worth pursuing for its own sake. It is not a stepping stone for anything else, but rather something worth striving for in its own right.
Plenty of intellectual and spiritual heavyweights have endorsed this view. For example, Aristotle said that “happiness is the meaning and purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” Similarly, the Dalai Lama says: “The purpose of our lives is to be happy.”
The list of influential endorsers of this approach is endless – and the fact that happiness is the ultimate goal in life seems increasingly uncontroversial.
Self-Actualisation vs Happiness
At Sapiens Maximus, we believe that the ultimate goal in life should be self-actualisation. Happiness is a component of such goal, not the entirety of it. Happiness, in many ways, is a state of mind. You can for example be homeless, sleeping on a park bench, yet be happy (as was the case with spiritual leader Eckhart Tolle).
It is of course great to be happy, but it is not enough from our perspective. At Sapiens Maximus, a life worth living is one where you fully explore your capabilities. A life where you self-actualise, and see the tremendous (positive) mark you are able to imprint on your loved ones and/or the world.
Part of the SM self-actualisation pursuit is achieving happiness. However, so is leading a meaningful life where you actively contribute to your tribe and society.
SM’s Philosophy on the Meaning of Life: Stay Tuned!
The topic of life’s ultimate goal is important to our readers, but is by no means an easy one to address. As such, to do the topic justice, we will dedicate an upcoming article exclusively for the Sapiens Maximus philosophy on this. Stay tuned!
For now: let’s dive into our happiness discussion, since achieving happiness is a core component on your journey towards becoming your Sapiens Maximus self.
Let’s start with some housekeeping points .
What is Happiness?
Happiness is an emotional state characterised by feelings of positivity, contentment and life satisfaction. Researchers tend to refer to happiness as “subjective well-being”. As is the case with any abstract definition, we encounter the problem of infinite regression. For example, if we define happiness as a deep feeling of contentment, one might ask: how do we define contentment? Same with any word, or expression, we might use to define “contentment”.
Key point is that most of us intuitively know what happiness means and, hopefully, what happiness feels like. We don’t and to some extent can’t fully capture it in words.
Having said that, it is important to introduce a level of nuance to our understanding of happiness.
Happiness vs Euphoria
Happiness IS NOT euphoria. Happy people are not bouncing off the walls all the time. They still experience sadness, anger and loneliness. More generally, happy people experience the full spectrum of human emotions.
The key difference is that happiness gives one a deep sense of satisfaction and positivity that is not eclipsed by more superficial emotional fluctuations. Think about the ocean. Even when destructive storms are raging and waves are crashing at the surface, the underlying body of water is calm.
Happiness vs Pleasure
While it is sometimes easy to conflate the two, happiness IS NOT pleasure. Key difference between the two is that happiness is more deeply rooted, while pleasure is superficial and fleeting. Pleasure is at the surface of the ocean – happiness relates to the underlying body of water.
Promiscuity and substance abuse can be sources of pleasure, but NOT happiness. In fact, what gives us pleasure in the short term tends to undermine our feelings of happiness in the long term. We therefore need to be mindful not to sacrifice our inner peace and contentment for fleeting, superficial “positive” emotions.
Want an earth-shattering realisation? Happiness is a skill that you can improve
The pursuit of happiness tends to be a topic wrapped in mysticism and spirituality. Too frequently, advice on achieving happiness is abstract, unstructured, wooshy woshy and not actionable.
The whole notion that happiness is something to be discovered – magically unearthed – is unhelpful and misleading. Instead of thinking of happiness as something you can obtain, you should think of it as a skill that you need to consistently practice.
Becoming happier is like learning to play a musical instrument, or getting better at the gym. Forget about the mysticism and the abstract BS you’ve had to grapple with.
What you need is a SYSTEM – and a lot of hard work and consistency.
A Systematic Approach to Happiness
Everything we do is governed by universal cause and effect relationships. To be happy, we need to (1) develop habits that have been demonstrated to make us happier; and (2) abandon habits that are proven to undermine our happiness.
IT’S THAT SIMPLE. However, as the saying goes, just because it’s simple doesn’t mean it’s easy.
We have done the research for you. Below, we set out the habits that have been proven to enhance your sense of well-being. We also share with you destructive yet common habits that make a lasting sense of happiness almost impossible to maintain.
In other words, this article gives you the roadmap. However, it’s down to you to consistently practice these habits – to do what needs to be done, day in and day out. For this, we recommend that you check out our articles on building good habits and breaking bad ones.
We split things to do and not to do into two categories: cognitive and behavioural. While there are occasionally some overlaps, the structure adds clarity and overall robustness to the approach.
Cognitive Habits for Happiness
“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.“
Dale Carnegie
“The essence of philosophy is that a man should so live that his happiness shall depend as little as possible on external things.“
Epictetus
“No person has the power to have everything they want, but it is in their power not to want what they don’t have, and to cheerfully put to good use what they do have.”
Seneca
“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.“
Marcus Aurelius
These quotes are a good warm up for what’s coming next. Marcus Aurelius’s quote brilliantly captures the essence of this section, that it is worth repeating: “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”
In other words, it is not things that make us happy or unhappy, but our perception of things.
Someone could be a multimillionaire, living in a mansion, with all the material possessions they could possibly dream of, yet be miserable. Conversely, a person could be living the simplest of lives in a hut yet be happy.
We set out below the cognitive habits you need to develop to supercharge your happiness.
Happiness Tip #1: Know Who To Compare Yourself Against
“A man’s happiness depends on whether he makes more than his wife’s sister’s husband.”
H. L. Mencken
We constantly compare ourselves to others in a multitude of ways. Whether it’s finances, looks, children’s achievements, professional accomplishments, love life or a thousand other things.
Today, our already powerful comparing tendencies have gone wild with the rise and dominance of social media. We are not only comparing ourselves against people in our immediate circle, such as friends and family. We are also comparing ourselves against an ever growing pool of “InstaFluencers” and people who are living lives we could only dream of.
Any problem(s) with this approach? YES! It’s making us miserable. What’s even more is that 9 times out of 10, we are comparing our reality to a mirage. The lives we are often jealous of are carefully curated illusions. When you compare your very real life – with its flaws and daily challenges – to a perfect (often fake) snapshot of someone else’s life, you are going to lose every time.
One potential solution is to tell you not to compare yourself against anyone. However, this is not realistic, and it’s not going to work. Whether we like it or not, our minds are PROGRAMMED to constantly draw these comparisons.
The first cognitive tip for achieving happiness is this: DRAW THE RIGHT COMPARISONS! Here are two suggestions for you.
(1) Compare Yourself Against Who You Were Yesterday
This might be a cliché, but it’s an incredibly powerful cognitive tool for a happier life. In many ways, PROGRESS = HAPPINESS. You don’t need to be “there”, at the finish line, to be happy. You just need to be moving in the right direction. As the saying goes, it’s not about the destination but the journey.
Importantly, each person has their own journey. Some people breakthrough in their 20s, while others do so at 60+. It is never too late, or too early. Block out the noise and focus on yourself and YOUR progress.
Fundamentally, it’s about building good habits and breaking bad ones on your journey to your Sapiens Maximus self. Keep track of your progress. A day where you finish better off than where you started will almost certainly be a happy day. This is especially the case if you are working towards a meaningful goal that inspires you.
(2) Compare Yourself Against Those Who Are Less Fortunate
1 in 3 people globally don’t have access to safe drinking water. More than half of the world does not have access to safe sanitation services. 1.6 billion people worldwide are homeless and /or live in inadequate housing conditions. More than 2.3 billion people lack year-round access to adequate food.
You might be experiencing serious difficulties in your life. However, the mere fact that you have internet and are reading this article means that you are better off than a very substantial number of people globally. Do you have basic shelter, enough food so that you don’t starve, and access to safe drinkable water? If the answer is yes, then you have plenty to be grateful for and be happy about.
Many people around the world don’t have access to a fraction of the things we take for granted.
Pause for a second: let it sync in that in our society, more people die from obesity than starvation. We have MORE than what we could ever need to live the good life. Aggressively pursuing EVEN MORE is not the path to happiness.
A key cognitive tip to achieving happiness is appreciating what you’ve already got. In other words, we need to learn to practice gratitude. Let’s further explore this below.
Happiness Tip #2: Practice Gratitude
It is human nature to take what we have for granted, and to relentlessly want more. However, this does not mean that we can’t alter this default mental state. The key to transitioning from a perpetually dissatisfied state to one of fulfilment is to consistently practice gratitude.
The scientific studies on this are clear. See for example this one, where researchers asked participants assigned to the intervention condition to write daily gratitude lists for 14 days, listing moments they had been grateful for during the day. The study showed that the gratitude intervention group managed to increase positive affect, subjective happiness and life satisfaction, and reduce negative affect and depression symptoms.
So, how do you practice gratitude exactly?
Exercises For Becoming More Grateful
There are many ways to practice gratitude. Below are some suggestions. Use one or a combination, depending on what works best for you.
(1) Per the study discussed, you can keep a gratitude journal where at the end of each day you list moments you are grateful for.
(2) Each morning and/or each night, complete this statement: “I am grateful that/for _________________”.
Common ones I use are: I am grateful that I am able to SEE – colours, life, people. Close your eyes, and imagine being unable to open them ever again. Imagine basking in this eternal darkness for 60 – 90 seconds. Now open your eyes. We take our eyesight for granted, but the very fact that we can see should be a source of tremendous gratitude.
I am grateful that I am able to use my cognitive abilities to the fullest. Some people have severely impaired mental faculties (through degenerative diseases or otherwise), and as a result experience life entirely differently.
I am grateful that if it rains hard tonight, I won’t get wet because I have a roof over my head. 1.3 billion people aren’t as lucky.
I am grateful for the meal I’m about to have, since 2.3 billion people might be sleeping hungry tonight.
Gratitude: Consistency is Key
Whatever method you choose, the key is to be consistent with it. Your life could certainly be better, but you already have plenty to be happy about and be grateful for.
Within couple of weeks of consistently practicing gratitude, you should start seeing meaningful improvements in your general levels of happiness and well-being.
Happiness Tip #3: Focus on the NOW
Homo Sapiens is often stuck between a rock and a hard place. We’re almost always either (1) ruminating on the past and/or (2) apprehensively anticipating the future.
Ruminating on the past has its advantages, most notably: it forces us to confront our mistakes and learn from them. However, being stuck in a negative loop of regrets is counterproductive, especially once we have learnt our lessons and are ready to move on.
Apprehensively anticipating the future also has its advantages, most notably: it pressures us to prepare for upcoming challenges. Running ourselves to the ground with anxiety however is unhelpful. As discussed in our article on anxiety, our fight or flight response is supposed to be short and acute, NOT chronic. Evolution has given us the anxiety response as a gift that we can use to our advantage, not as the curse it has become.
Bottom Line? We tend to focus TOO MUCH on the past and/or future, that we are almost never living in the PRESENT. This makes us ever more unhappy and anxious.
Part of a holistic happiness strategy is to focus on the now as a default. We can ruminate on the past and/or think about the future only when it serves us, with the remainder of the time being spent focusing on the PRESENT (which, as the word “present” suggests, is the real gift).
However, this is easier said than done.
This wouldn’t be a Sapiens Maximus article if we didn’t share with you practical, actionable tips on HOW to become more present. We set out below couple of practices for you to incorporate into your lifestyle.
Being Present Tip #1: Develop Mindfulness
Mindful has a helpful article on mindfulness, which you can find here. The website defines mindfulness as “the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.”
Fundamentally, becoming more mindful and present is about making a deliberate choice to do so. It’s something we have to actively practice. For example, when you receive a text notification, instead of rushing to check it out, you can CHOOSE to take a deep breath and continue focusing on your task at hand.
The challenge with this approach is that we are often not sufficiently self-aware to be able to do so. We tend to operate on autopilot, which in turn means that our ability to be mindful is so poor that we can’t practice it throughout the day.
This is why we recommend that you incorporate (1) mindfulness meditation and/or (2) yoga into your daily schedule. These activities force you to develop your mindfulness muscle, which in turn gives you the ability to be more mindful throughout the day. Being more mindful in turn enhances your sense of well-being and happiness.
Give it a try for 3-4 weeks – let us know what you think!
Being Present Tip #2: Achieve FLOW State
A flow state, also known as being “in the zone”, is a mental state where a person is completely and utterly immersed in an activity. This state is often characterised by feelings of extreme focus, enjoyment and happiness (or, at least, some form of subjective well-being). People “in the zone” tend to lose track of time. They also momentarily lose any sense of self. All that remains is the activity that they are engaged in IN THE PRESENT MOMENT.
You can achieve a flow state with almost anything. One example might be getting lost in a beautifully written novel, and realising that several hours have passed.
The topic of “flow” is highly substantive and not always straightforward. Watch out for our incoming standalone Sapiens Maximus article on this.
For now, at the most fundamental level, the key takeaway is this: more flow experiences = more happiness. So, how do you immerse yourself in the present and achieve a flow state?
Steps to Achieving Flow
There is no fixed way of getting there, but below are some tips:
(1) Choose an activity for the flow exercise. Is it going to be reading? Writing? Going on a run? Playing an instrument?
(2) Make sure the activity is challenging enough, but not too challenging. If the activity is too easy, you’ll get bored. This immediately kicks you out of the flow state. If the activity is too difficult, you also won’t be able to get “in the zone” . The balance between your abilities and the difficulty of the activity needs to be right, and it might take some experimentation to get there.
(3) Remove all distractions. Steps (1) and (2) won’t work if you keep getting interrupted. Make sure you can block-out a meaningful chunk of time where you won’t be disturbed by anyone or anything. Don’t forget to lock your phone in a drawer.
(4) Make an effort to focus on the task at hand. Whenever your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to the present moment. You only need to do this in the beginning, prior to entering the flow state. Once you’re in the zone, your mind will be effortlessly focused on the present activity.
Once you have done steps (1) – (4) above, give it 10 – 15 minutes or so. This should be enough to get you into the flow state.
When you’ve experienced flow, you will realize the transformative effect it can have on your productivity and happiness. It then becomes about increasing the number of flow sessions throughout your day and life.
Happiness Tip #4: Conquer Anger
Here’s a simple, but profound observation: to be happy, we need to remove things that make us unhappy. Anger is one such thing.
Imagine you are driving on the highway, and someone recklessly cuts in front of you. You’re furious. Who do they think they are? How is this in any way acceptable? Even several hours later, the mere memory of the incident makes your blood boil.
Everyone gets angry from time to time, but a tendency for anger can be highly detrimental to your happiness. So, what do you do to tame your anger?
In a nutshell, you need to think about the events that anger you differently.
Why does it anger you so much if the reckless driver cuts in front of you on the highway? Maybe it’s because he is endangering you and others while being completely inconsiderate. Maybe it’s because you think he is not playing by the rules that we generally need to abide by to have a functioning society. Or, maybe, you just think it’s fu***** rude. However you slice it, there are plenty of reasons to be angry. Not just with the driver, but with day to day events more generally.
Conquering Anger: Towards More Helpful Interpretations
Imagine an alternative explanation for the reckless driver’s behaviour: he got a call saying that his mother fell and is dying at the hospital. He has a very short window to see her one last time before she’s forever gone. If you had a great relationship with your mother, would you have acted differently? Even if you would have, is the driver’s behaviour at least more understandable?
The second you realize that people might have legitimate reasons for acting the way they do, anger tends to automatically dissipate. For most of us, empathy or even sympathy replace our anger.
The driver’s gone and you will never know why he did what he did. It’s possible that he has done it because he has an emergency. But it’s also possible that he has done because, well, he is a reckless inconsiderate scumbag. Either ways, you have two options:
(1) You succumb to your instincts and assume that people’s actions are driven by garbage motives. Then you bask in your anger and let other people’s actions ruin your day and quality of life more generally; or
(2) You decide to give people the benefit of the doubt. You don’t do it for them; you do it for you. Wherever possible, force yourself to adopt interpretations of events that diffuse your anger instead of fuelling it.
Conquering Anger: Watch Out This Space
The topic of conquering anger is way too complex, and it deserves a whole Sapiens Maximus article by itself. However, the above is one of many key tips that can help you re-gain control of your emotional well-being. Practice the above and you will be on your way to (1) better managing your anger and (2) increasing your chances of lasting happiness.
Next, let’s jump into a very similar happiness tip: vanquishing hate.
Happiness Tip #5: Vanquish Hate
There are many similarities between hate and anger. The key similarity is that just like anger, hate is incompatible with happiness. It’s also self-destructive, since it has been scientifically shown to poison your mental and physiological well-being.
Much has been written about overcoming hate, from religion to philosophy and science. While we will dedicate a whole Sapiens Maximus article to the topic of overcoming hate, we share below two key tips to get you going.
(1) Does the person you hate have any redeeming qualities?
When we hate someone, we tend to think that they are almost exclusively bad, or have almost exclusively negative traits. This is rarely the reality. Force yourself to consider what positives the person you hate might have.
For example, on my travels to certain countries, I am almost always confronted with a host of locals trying to scam me. Worst episodes tend to be with cab drivers, who endlessly drive around in circles to rack up fees on the meter. Even worse, they almost invariably cause a scene if you don’t pay them exactly what they want.
The Cab Driver Incident
On one occasion in particular, I found myself hating this cab driver who made a scene in the middle of the street when I refused to pay him twice what we had initially agreed. Through the mediation of various good local Samaritans, the cab driver finally accepted getting paid the fixed fee we had agreed. Later that night, as I lay in my hotel bed, I found myself consumed with hate.
The nerve that guy had was unbelievable. He was aggressive, rude, and unapologetically trying to scam me after we had agreed a fair price. I couldn’t fall asleep. However, I then remembered the first few minutes of our ride. I noticed that the driver’s screen image was of a young girl, who turned out to be his daughter. When I asked him about her, the otherwise rude, slightly aggressive cab driver immediately showed a softer side. He only had his one daughter, and, evidently, he was doing his best to be able to provide her with a decent life.
Did this cab driver have any redeeming qualities? YES! At a minimum, he was a family man. He was doing his best in a tough socio-economic environment to take care of his only child. He would scam me, and a hundred others, if that meant putting food on the table for his only child.
Human Nature: From a Two-Dimensional Take To A Three Dimensional One
Does that make what he did alright? Probably not. But at the very least, seeing this man three dimensionally immediately dissipated my hate.
Whenever you hate someone, think very hard about their redeeming qualities. When you realise that people are infinitely complex, three dimensional, with good and bad, positives and negatives, hating them becomes much more difficult.
(2) Appreciate that people are the products of their (i) genetic predispositions and (ii) environments
Let’s illustrate this point with an example.
A young child grows up in an abusive household where, during his foundational years, he is immersed in an environment rife with verbal and physical abuse. He doesn’t have access to adequate education, or even to basic human and psychological needs. That means no proper access to food or a fraction of the parental affection that children typically enjoy. His only “role models”, or people who he has any contact with, are his parents who are dangerous drug addicts.
For a visual representation, see for example Spooge’s son in Season 2; Episode 6 of Breaking Bad.
One day, the child finds himself forced to steal to be able to eat. Soon enough, primarily because of the poisonous environment he grew up in, he turns violent. He grows up to lead a life of petty crime, and becomes a distasteful human being who doesn’t have any redeeming qualities.
Is The Person We Hate The Perpetrator Or The Victim?
One day, the child, now a hardened criminal, severely hurts a person during a street robbery. Is he the perpetrator for hurting a blameless person, or the victim because life turned him into a despicable monster? Are the victim’s family justified in hating this remorseless criminal, or should they feel sorry for this once blameless child?
Many despicable people are, in a multitude of ways, victims just as much as perpetrators. Their environments, particularly their childhoods, have made them who they currently are.
Does that mean they don’t need to be held accountable for their crimes? Of course they need to be held accountable. But not because they are inherently “bad” people, whatever that means. It’s primarily because we need to protect other members of society from their actions.
We also need to help these broken individuals to the extent they are redeemable. Our justice system focuses too much on punishment and not enough on rehabilitation, which should be the primary goal.
For now, the key point is this: there is a way for not hating despicable people with no apparent redeeming qualities; and the way to do so is to realise that these people are the products of their childhoods and environments.
Nature Vs Nurture
You might ask, hypothetically: what about two people who grew up in exactly the same environment, yet one ended up living a despicable life, and the other didn’t? The answer is fairly straightforward: we are not only the products of our environment, but also of our genetic predispositions. When you realise that people are the products of things they have no control over, that is, their environment and genetics, it becomes more difficult to hate them.
This raises questions about free will, which we will cover in upcoming articles. However, for the time being, the above should help you in your fight to conquer hate. Once you do, and if you apply the other tips in this article, you will have a decent chance of becoming happy.
Behavioural Habits for Happiness
We have shared with you 5 powerful cognitive tips for achieving happiness.
However, as Barry Gordon (professor of neurology and cognitive science at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine) puts it: “the reality is that we are aware of a tiny fraction of the thinking that goes on in our minds, and we can control only a tiny part of our conscious thoughts.”
Fundamentally, it is much easier for us to control our actions than it is for us to control our thoughts. Sometimes, trying to ’snap out’ of a negative state of mind is almost impossible to do using cognitive techniques.
It is therefore essential to include BEHAVIOURAL tips in addition to cognitive ones in any comprehensive happiness strategy.
Below, we provide you with 7 powerful behavioural tips. Integrate them into your life to supercharge your happiness and overall well-being.
Happiness Tip #6: Perform Acts of Kindness
Here’s a mind blowing fact: scientific studies have demonstrated that performing acts of kindness makes us happier. For example, you can check out this meta-analysis which looked at 27 experimental studies, and concluded that performing acts of kindness boosts happiness and well-being.
Most of us have heard about “runner’s high” – that is, the sense of joy and relaxation we experience after an intense exercise session.
However, have you ever heard of “helper’s high“? It is a very real thing, and is due to (inter alia) the same endorphins response that kicks in with the runner’s high.
Don’t take our word for it, and forget about the scientific studies. Try it for yourself; how do you feel after a random act of kindness? Let us know in the comments section below!
A Better, Happier World: One Act of Kindness, One Day At a Time
Performing acts that (1) make us happier while (2) ameliorating the world seems like a good pursuit. This is why Jacqueline Way started 365Give, a movement that encourages people to change the world one give at a time.
If you have 15 minutes to spare, check out Jacqueline’s powerful TEDx talk here.
This might sound too burdensome to most of us. It seems like A LOT – especially with our busy lives and endless responsibilities. However, the key point is that YOU CAN START SMALL. Our acts don’t need to be grand for us to reap the benefits. They just need to be consistent.
We give you some basic ideas below.
Acts of Kindness: Ideas to Get You Started
Examples include:
(1) Giving someone a genuine, heartfelt compliment;
(2) Helping an elderly person cross the street, or offering them your seat on public transport;
(3) Donating some of the clothes you no longer need, but are just hoarding;
(4) Feeding an otherwise starving, homeless dog; and
(5) Recycling our garbage.
Start small. Be consistent. If each one of us does one small act of kindness, one day at a time, we’ll be well underway to a happier & better world.
You don’t need to do EVERYTHING; you just need to do your bit.
Happiness Tip #7: Act Positive
We have always known that the way we feel affects the way we behave.
For example, a sad person might look down, slouching their shoulders. An insecure person might defensively cross their arms while avoiding eye contact. On the other end of the spectrum, a happy person might smile and/or laugh.
Scientific studies have shown, and are showing, that the relationship between emotions and body language is a two way street. That is, it is not only our emotions that affect our behaviours; but our body language similarly affects our emotions.
For example, before an interview, force yourself to strike a power pose. Act confident, and a few minutes later, you are likely to FEEL confident. In the context of this article, try to smile more frequently and/or laugh. Even if you are faking it, if you give it enough time, you are likely to FEEL happier.
Having said that, this behavioural tip is not a magic pill. You can smile and/or laugh all you want, but if your life is a mess (and you are not applying the other tips in this article), you are likely to be miserable inside.
Don’t think of this tool as an end all be all; think of it as one additional weapon in your happiness arsenal.
Happiness Tip #8: Build Meaningful Relationships
The Harvard Study of Adult Development is the longest study on happiness ever created, with 75+ years worth of data. The clearest message from the study is this: good relationships keep us happier and healthier.
Having meaningful relationships with friends, family and/or loved ones is a key predictor of happiness. Conversely, loneliness is a key predictor of unhappiness.
If you have c. 10 minutes to spare, make sure to check out Robert Waldinger (director of the Harvard experiment)’s TED talk here.
Tragically, today, we are witnessing the rise and dominance of a loneliness epidemic. We are more connected than ever – via Instagram, Facebook and other platforms. Yet, paradoxically, we are more isolated than ever. For example, a recent Harvard report suggests that 36% of all Americans feel “serious loneliness.” Statistics in other countries such as the UK are just as bad, and sometimes even worse.
Human Relationships: Quality Over Quantity + An Evolutionary Perspective
You can be lonely in a crowd. You can be lonely amidst friends, or in a marriage. What matters is not the number of human interactions you have, but the quality of them.
As the saying goes, QUALITY > QUANTITY.
None of this should come as a surprise. Homo Sapiens has evolved to be part of a tribe. During our ancestors’ time, isolation often meant grave danger, or even death. When we separated from the tribe, our brains gave us an emergency signal. The signal took the form of feelings of unhappiness, anxiety, or even depression.
As part of your comprehensive happiness strategy, make sure to have meaningful human relationships. Your tribe could be comprised of only one person, or many. Just make sure to have a tribe. This is, without a doubt, one of the best investments you can make in your long term happiness and wellbeing.
Happiness Tip #9: Do Meaningful Work
For the overwhelming majority of people, Monday mornings are the worst (with anxiety and general discomfort kicking in from Sunday evening). In fact, studies have shown that Mondays have the highest rate of heart attacks out of any day of the week.
This generally makes sense in light of the work statistics we have. For example, Gallup conducted a detailed study on how people around the world feel about their jobs. 63% of people are not engaged in their jobs, which is defined as “sleepwalking through their workday, putting time – but not energy or passion – into their work.” The study found that a further 24% were “actively disengaged.”
How can we be happy doing an unfulfilling job with people we despise?
Meaning: The Lost Link Between Work & Happiness
Fundamentally, for most people, their problem with their jobs is one of meaning. We feel like what we do doesn’t really matter, or is not sufficiently meaningful in a way that aligns with our goals and aspirations. This is a complicated topic that deserves a separate, standalone article by itself. For the time being, we suggest couple of tips to get you going.
Tip #1: Create your own meaning.
Flipping burgers or stretching pizza dough at a huge corporation where you are a cog in the machine might not, classically, be considered as fulfilling jobs. For most people, such jobs are temporary while they find a more permanent role. Yet some people have taken their otherwise basic job to the next level, creating genuine art out of it. See for example some superhuman fast workers in this YouTube video.
They have transformed a mundane job into a skill that they can progressively get better at. In other words, they have used their jobs as an opportunity to create a personal challenge, find meaning, develop a sense of self-worth, and potentially derive some happiness. At the very least, they made sure that their job is fun enough so that it is not an active source of unhappiness.
There is no shame in any honest job, whatever it might be. This doesn’t mean that you should be content with building a career flipping burgers or being a waiter. It just means that you should make the most out of whatever position you are in, while you pursue other roles that are more aligned with your long term aspirations.
Find – or create – meaning in whatever job you happen to be doing. This will work wonders for your happiness and sense of wellbeing.
Tip #2: Recognise that you don’t have to restrict meaningful work to your job.
Meaningful work is substantially broader than your 9 – 5. You can find meaningful ‘work’ in a broad range of categories – from having a hobby to raising a family.
For example, a stay at home parent, especially one with limited resources, has one of the toughest jobs in the world: raising principled, competent kids. Yet doing so can be incredibly rewarding, and is potentially an endless source of happiness.
Whatever your meaningful work looks like, wherever it comes from: find ways to be able to prioritise it.
Always keep in mind: WORK + MEANING (+ PROGRESS) = HAPPINESS.
Happiness Tip #10: Optimise Your Sleep
As the article previously pointed out, discussions on the pursuit of happiness tend to be wrapped in so much BS and mysticism. This means that we almost always disregard the fundamentals – sleep, nutrition, and physical activity.
How can things so basic affect something so spiritual such as our happiness? Well, as it turns out, these basics can affect our happiness in A LOT of ways. This is because happiness is, in many ways, NOT spiritual or belonging to another realm. It is on some level a neuro-chemical state that is subject to the universal laws of cause and effect.
It almost doesn’t matter if you have applied all the tips so far but are severely sleep deprived. Sleep deprivation creates a neuro-chemical environment where happiness cannot meaningfully exist.
Scientific studies on this are clear. Sleep deprivation increases the risk of depression and anxiety. It also leads to poor emotional regulation, which makes our pursuit of happiness an uphill battle.
If you want to be happy, start by getting the basics right. Don’t underestimate the power of a good night’s sleep, or the damaging psychological and physiological effects of a poor night’s sleep.
It’s Biology
Even a yogi who has ‘mastered’ the ‘art of happiness’ will be super cranky after a few nights of inadequate ZZZs. It’s biology: it doesn’t matter if you’re living in a shoe box in NYC, or in a Zen temple in the mountains.
For a more comprehensive discussion on why sleep is probably the ultimate magic pill, check out our article here on sleep’s benefits.
Happiness Tip #11: Optimise Your Nutrition
The relationship between diet and mental health is underpublicized. The reality is, reaching out for ultra processed foods is not only harmful for your body but also detrimental to your emotional and mental wellbeing. Any immediate pleasure you gain by eating junk is trumped shortly thereafter by a more substantive cost: your mental and physical well-being. Those crisps + giant bottle of soda might have more to do with your unhappiness than you think. While generally cheap, junk food is too expensive when you’re paying for it with your health.
Although there is a mounting body of evidence (see of example here, here and here) on the topic, the relationship between diet and mental health is yet to be extensively studied.
Diet, Health & Big Food
It wouldn’t be surprising if Big Food’s propaganda machine diverts considerable resources towards obscuring the relationship between nutritionally poor diets and worse mental health, especially in light of Big Food’s well-documented history. Big Food has experts whose sole job is to plant doubt in your mind – doubt that the garbage diet they have you hooked on has anything to do with your deteriorating mental health.
At Sapiens Maximus, getting better and achieving happiness come as a holistic package. Clean-up your diet by eating nutritionally dense, minimally processed foods and good things will start happening to you. Somewhere along the line, we forgot our ancestors’ ancient wisdom: a healthy body and a healthy mind are closely connected.
If you are interested in the topic of ultra processed foods and Big Food’s dirty secrets, read our article here.
Happiness Tip #12: Get Physically Active
In a September 2016 issue of Time magazine, Dr. Mark Tarnopolsky said that if there was a drug that could do for human health everything that exercise could, it would likely be the most valuable pharmaceutical ever developed.
While this is quite a grand statement, it certainly has some data backing it up. In particular, physical activity has been shown to do wonders for our mental health. For example, this 2017 meta-analysis showed that exercise is effective in improving anxiety symptoms. Similarly, in one 2016 meta-analysis, researchers said that “data strongly support the claim that exercise is an evidence-based treatment for depression”.
Fundamentally, there is of course a distinction between (1) happiness and (2) not being depressed or chronically anxious. However, as is typical at Sapiens Maximus, we refuse to draw unhelpful distinctions. When pursuing happiness, we need to make sure that we are optimising our mental health more holistically, and being physically active is one key way to do so.
Exercise & Happiness: A Neuro-chemical Perspective
Scientific studies have demonstrated that exercise boosts various happiness promoting hormones. For example:
Serotonin – You might have heard people describing serotonin as the “feel good hormone”. Serotonin acts to make us feel happier, calmer and less anxious. It is no surprise therefore that selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are used as anxiety and depression medications. As you might have guessed, exercise is one of the key non-pharmacological ways to increase levels of serotonin in the brain. See for example this study.
GABA – Studies have also shown that exercise increases levels of gamma aminobutyric acid (or GABA). Why should you give a damn? Because GABA is a powerful inhibitory neurotransmitter which has substantial calming effects. It could therefore help us become happier by stopping or at least slowing down our daily anxieties.
Bottom Line
In this article, we discussed 12 actionable tips for you to become happier. You don’t need to practice ALL of them to see meaningful improvements in your happiness; just one or two would do. However, if you want to achieve peak happiness, you should gradually turn all of these tips into daily habits. In this context, we recommend that you check out our guides on building good habits and breaking bad ones.
Happiness is not something to be unearthed or accidentally stumbled upon. There is no “secret” to happiness. Forget about all the mystic, abstract, non-actionable, wooshy woshy advice out there.
We said it before, and it is worth saying it again: happiness is a skill that you need to consistently practice.
Your journey to a happier life begins now. You just need to put in the unglamorous, unsexy work to get there.
As always, we wish you good luck on your journey towards strength in adversity, calm amidst the storms, relentless resilience and uncompromising health.
Your self proclaimed family,
The Sapiens Maximus team
Sources & Further Readings
The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living – Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler
Lost Connections: Why You’re Depressed and How to Find Hope – Johann Hari
Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience – Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
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